Never

Ever since I was born I was told to never say never, because everything can be possible. Well now that Im older i find myself saying the word alot. "ill never make it" " ill never find the right guy for me" "ill never have a lot of friends." etc. and more depressing things like that. As life gets going, it just gets harder and harder. That is when you learn to use the word never in a new light. Never give up, Never quit, Never lose hope, Never forget that God is the only one you need. When you learn to use words diffrently and see them in a new light they can be pretty powerful. Even if you may not realize it, what you tell yourself you can and cannot do makes a hudge impact on the future of your life. If you tell yourself " Ill never make it" then duh, you wont. but if you tell yourself " Ill never give up" then sooner or later youll start believing it. I was raised with my daddy telling me that if I wanted to do something I have to stick to it. and I did. even if the next season I didnt come around and play, i still finished the season no matter how bad I wanted to quit(basketball when i was in 5th grade) I may have been young in 5th grade and you may be thinking " hey its not bad to let an 11 year old just stop doing something they dont want to do anymore" but not my daddy. If I wanted to do something, and then hated it, by golly I was going to finish it, because thats the way it works. And trust me, it has helped me through so much. I can honestly say I have never quit anything in my life. I always finished it out, why? because thats what I was tought at a very young age.
So then why are things changing now? Why do I want to quit so badly now?Why is it that at this moment in my life I want to for the first time ever just quit and give up? Why do i want to use that word "never" in a bad way? Life changes and life changes fast even if you do not realize it. I may be scared, I may want something now, my lack of patience may be getting the better of me. But the main reason I think, is because I stopped trusting. Trusting in God, trusting in my ablilities, and mainly, trusting in God. I dont think I have sat and read his word, his true word, for over a month. And I have just now come to realize while writing this, that I always get this way when I stop trusting in God. I always just want to give up, crawl back into bed and sleep until reality is pushed to the side. And normally, until I start praying and reading again, thats exsactly what I do. Even if on the way I hurt those I love, and I make them feel sorry for me. Well. I hate that. I feel like such an aweful person. And I hate hurthing those who have given so much for me. So, I cant promise that I will never feel like this again. But I can promise that im through. I through using the word never in such a negative way, and im through being to negative. Im ready to live my life for God, no matter where that might be, and im ready to try for the things that I want, what ever that may be. So wheather this subject comes up again or not, im through talking about it. Im tired of feeling hopeless and its time to put some hope and light back into my life. Im tired of living in darkness, so let the light shine.