Never

Ever since I was born I was told to never say never, because everything can be possible. Well now that Im older i find myself saying the word alot. "ill never make it" " ill never find the right guy for me" "ill never have a lot of friends." etc. and more depressing things like that. As life gets going, it just gets harder and harder. That is when you learn to use the word never in a new light. Never give up, Never quit, Never lose hope, Never forget that God is the only one you need. When you learn to use words diffrently and see them in a new light they can be pretty powerful. Even if you may not realize it, what you tell yourself you can and cannot do makes a hudge impact on the future of your life. If you tell yourself " Ill never make it" then duh, you wont. but if you tell yourself " Ill never give up" then sooner or later youll start believing it. I was raised with my daddy telling me that if I wanted to do something I have to stick to it. and I did. even if the next season I didnt come around and play, i still finished the season no matter how bad I wanted to quit(basketball when i was in 5th grade) I may have been young in 5th grade and you may be thinking " hey its not bad to let an 11 year old just stop doing something they dont want to do anymore" but not my daddy. If I wanted to do something, and then hated it, by golly I was going to finish it, because thats the way it works. And trust me, it has helped me through so much. I can honestly say I have never quit anything in my life. I always finished it out, why? because thats what I was tought at a very young age.
So then why are things changing now? Why do I want to quit so badly now?Why is it that at this moment in my life I want to for the first time ever just quit and give up? Why do i want to use that word "never" in a bad way? Life changes and life changes fast even if you do not realize it. I may be scared, I may want something now, my lack of patience may be getting the better of me. But the main reason I think, is because I stopped trusting. Trusting in God, trusting in my ablilities, and mainly, trusting in God. I dont think I have sat and read his word, his true word, for over a month. And I have just now come to realize while writing this, that I always get this way when I stop trusting in God. I always just want to give up, crawl back into bed and sleep until reality is pushed to the side. And normally, until I start praying and reading again, thats exsactly what I do. Even if on the way I hurt those I love, and I make them feel sorry for me. Well. I hate that. I feel like such an aweful person. And I hate hurthing those who have given so much for me. So, I cant promise that I will never feel like this again. But I can promise that im through. I through using the word never in such a negative way, and im through being to negative. Im ready to live my life for God, no matter where that might be, and im ready to try for the things that I want, what ever that may be. So wheather this subject comes up again or not, im through talking about it. Im tired of feeling hopeless and its time to put some hope and light back into my life. Im tired of living in darkness, so let the light shine.

give me your eyes.

Wow. That is all I have to say about these past two weeks. They have been interesting, joyfull, sad and thought prevoking.
About two weeks ago my friends father passed away from cancer. He was an absolute blessing and joy to anyone he came in contact with and I was extremely blessed to have him as a teacher. His light shines through his daughter, she is an amazing woman and truely her fathers daughter. My heart goes out to her and her family.

On Thursay I found out that a 15 year old kid that I knew from my highschool took his own life. 15 years old. I was not super close to him, but its still sad, and very shocking. I really do not know who say it coming. I may have not known his situation, but my heart still aches for the reasons why a 15 yearolds life would be so bad that he would take his own life. He was an outgoing kid with a lot of life ahead of him. and even though I do not know his situation, or how bad it was, all I can think of is that he stopped trusting in God. That is the absolute most important thing in life, to trust God. Dare I say, but it is more important than human relationships.
This situation caused me to think about people. We pass people on the streets every day not knowing thier story, all we know is they cut us off, they're going too fast, or they bump into us walking, and all we do, or at least I do, is just get mad at them, some flip them off, and others are just plain rude. The point is, we do not know other peoples lives, they could have something horrible going on and all they want is to see a nice face, but our world today is full of such mean and selfish people. This brings me to a song I heard on air1 the other day, and it is my prayer.

"Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
yeah .. yeah .. yeah .. yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
There’s a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
To ashamed to tell his wife
He’s out of work
He’s buying time
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared? "

So Christians this is my challenge to you. I challenge you to get out there and start loving people, trusting God, and help change the world one life at a time.

Maybe this isn't so bad after all.....

I went to the doctors the other day and had some pretty good news. I don't have chondromalacia. And tat is fantastic. What that means is I'm going onto the navy for sure. Nothing is going to stop me now. I'm like fire in a dry forest. Ready to burn!!!! I'm prretty pumped. I'm actually at work right now.. Showed up a little early so I had some time to blog. Thought I would share my thoughts with ya'll. Work is going well. Prety boring sometimes. But I deal with it. It's a job right? This past week was vbs.. Vacation bible school. I was in charge of the games and music and basically ran the thing. Although my mother did do a lot. I love her. Needless to say we are both extremely tired. This was my last year at vbs.. Pretty happy about that oje. Well time to start work. Adios amigos!!!

The Back Up Plan

Well, I dont know whats going on anymore. When I went to the doctor with pain in my left knee he threw out a word, and it was a bad word. He used the word chondromalacia. A word you do not want to hear if your trying to join the military. Unfortunatly it is very hard to get a waiver with that condition. Its this thing where the cartlage under my knee cap is very bad, kinda detiriating. But I wont know if I have this for sure until friday. This has given me time to think of a back up plan. Even though hopefully I wont need it. And Im very hoping I dont.
I recently heard of a school in Spokane, Washington. Its part of Moody in Chicago. The program of the school is Mission Aviation School. It seems so interesting and like a viable back up plan. Im going to Idaho, in a part that is not too far from Spokane and Im going to visit the campus to see what its all about.
I have no idea what im going to do. Missions is for special people, people who God have called, and I believe that if you try to do missions and you were not called to it , then it will be bad. SO I have no idea what Im going to do. its sucks no knowing, but I guess I will know in november.

july 7, 2010

Today's the day. The day I was suposed to arrive at boot camp. it makes me wonder. Why, Why am I still here? Why are I not gone? well besides the obvious knee surgery thing, Im waiting for the reason why. Even though its hard to admit I just know that theres a reason for the not going, but its still difficult. Again I need to learn to look at the silver lining of things. Just because Im not leaving now, does not mean i will never leave.

Honor, Courage, and Commitment

We have all heard those three words, and many in the Navy have heard them put together, its listed at the end of the Sailors Creed. As a DEP rectuit you even have to memorize what they tell you it means. In the Navy they call it the Core Values. They tell you honor is to be honest, ethical, encouraging, having integrity, Courage is to make decisions that you think is best, meeting specific challenges, and loyalty. They describe commitment as demanding respect, caring for the safty and well being of others, and to exhibit the highest degree of moral character, technical excellence, quality and competence in what we have been trained to do.

So what do these words really mean?

Honor: I belive honor is one of the harder of the three to truely understand. From the begining of time men have been tought to represent thier family with honor, to live a life of honor, and to die with honor. But what is honor? “He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.”-Walter Lippmann. Thomas Jefferson came pretty close to describing honor when he said “Nobody can acquire honor by doing what is wrong”. Doing what is right, doing what no one else is willing to do because its too "hard", not just counting physical hardness, but mental hardness. Honor is aquired by doing what is right. By not lying, but telling the truth with respect when its needed. describe honor how you want, but that is my idea on the word.



Courage: Doing something when your scared out of your mind. You cannot be couragous doing something that does not frighten you. That is not courage. Even if it looks like it from a distance and outside party, it is not. Courage is mental. Be strong and couragous. Theres not a lot to say on the subject because its easily summed up. Courage is when your scared, you do it anyways.

Commitment: One of the most important things in life. If you are never commited to anything, then you will never do anything, you will always find yourself quiting when the going gets tough. If something is too hard, you give up. Commitment is staying with something, no matter how bad you just want to give up, go home, and sleep in your nice warm bed. Commitment goes hand in hand with dedication.

So these three words are very simple words, but when you put them together, they create an extroidinary human bieng. I believe the only way you can possibly even come close to all three together is if you have the holy spirit in you. The three would create a man who does what is right, even if it is not popular, does what needs to be done, even if it may cost his life, and one who NEVER gives up. thats what needs to be taught to the military.

Second Days better

Yesterday at work was so much fun! I worked with three older lady's who were probably some of the funniest people I have ever met.

In other news, this will be a short blog post. I decided there is no need to completly delete my facebook. I will just not be friends with anyone who is friends with him. So sorry anyone who is, you will not be my friend on facebook.:)) I've come to terms with while there is nothing to do, its ok to just relax on the computer as long as it does not control me.